Chapter 1

End of January

Dawn sat on the couch in the therapist’s office and stared at the puke yellow walls wondering why the hell anyone would choose such a color. She never heard Linda’s question. This had been her norm for the last two months. It seemed that she was in her own little world. Unsure what it was that bogged her down. She talked and talked about it ‘til she was blue in the face.

Her sisters, Trudy, Austin, her dad, and even Luke were beyond worried that she’d never return to who she was before the whole incident with Rick. But her relationships weren’t so tight as they used to be. Even with her sisters. She wanted to take charge of her house now that she had found out the truth of what happened to her husband, Jacob.

The truth that he was murdered by the Starling Black Triads put her in serious denial. The truth that one of her old cases was the cause. She didn’t tell anyone else that. That was only known to her and Chrissy Chan. But Chrissy had been in witness protection. They were forming a new task force because of what she found out. There were still some questions that needed answers. But her drive had faded. Thank the heavens she had Trudy. But Trudy was getting burned out. Sure, Trudy loved her job but now having to help homeschool Austin added on top of her regular duties, while Dawn mopped around didn’t help her.

That whole incident changed her drive of wanting to be a better mom to her thirteen-year-old son, Austin. To do more for herself instead of having Trudy do everything. She hadn’t even been writing like she wanted to. Her panel, her six closest writing friends began to talk to her family as she hadn’t been talking to them or even been online. If not for Trudy, she would have certainly lost Austin and the home the first month after the incident. That’s what everyone called it now.

Dawn was spending her days in bed mostly. Getting up only to use the bathroom, to shower, even that was a damn chore. Eating, she found almost repulsive these days. And going to therapy that everyone told her was a good idea was the worst chore ever.

“Dawn, hey, Dawn?” Linda asked.

Dawn blinked her eyes and nodded after coming out of those previous thoughts. But she still didn’t answer Linda.

“Dawn!?” Linda said, snapping her fingers at her patient.

“Yeah, what is it?”

“I was asking if you wanted to see some other people that might help you further.”

“No, Doc. I’m good. I don’t want to talk about this anymore. No one can help me.”

“That’s truly understandable after what you been through. I see a lot of rape victims and they all have acted the same you are now. But you seem to be….” Linda’s eyes fluttered and she bit her bottom lip not wanting to say it, but it came out. “Over doing it.”

“Over doing it? Are you fucking serious? Were your “rape” victims waterboarded and given pure uncut oxy too? And groped and raped in front of their fucking son?”

She watched Linda swallow hard and shake her head.

“This meeting is over. I’m done!” Dawn said.

She rose from the couch, grabbed her purse and fished out her checkbook. She wrote Linda a check for the rest of the five sessions she had left and walked out of the room. The receptionist smiled at her as Linda came running after her.

“Dawn, I’m sorry. I know your situation is delicate. That was totally unprofessional of me. I’d still like to see you. Please, I think I can truly help you.”

“Nothing can help, Doc. What’s done is done. I just have to live with it now. But I have one question, can you clear me in case I want to go back to work?” Dawn asked.

“I don’t think you’re ready to return to being a cop. And you’d have to see Doctor Christina Martin there. She’s fabulous. Maybe you want to transfer to her?” Linda asked.

“Would that be, okay?”

“No problem. But Dawn, I did help your friend Charlotte. I was her therapist for a couple years before she joined the force.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. I can’t tell you what we worked on but look at her. She’s a bit younger than you.”

“Yeah, but again, did she suffer the exact same things I did?”

“I can’t disclose that. You’d have to ask her.”

“Thanks, Doc, maybe I will.”

“You have my number if you want to keep in touch.”

“I do.”

Dawn left and when she arrived at her vehicle, she knew she needed to get out of this funk. Wanting to return to work was looking bleaker by the minute. This was what Rick Cane wanted.

“He wanted to ruin your life because you ruined his! You gonna sit there and take this bullshit?” she asked herself.

What choice was there?

“I’m just thankful that bastard didn’t get me pregnant!”

She sighed and closed her eyes for a few moments. The same conversation she had had with herself for the last two months had been growing tiresome. She wanted her life back. Joining the victim groups Linda offered didn’t help either. She made some new friends but still, she’d been so detached from everyone and everything, she believed nothing would help her get back to the woman she used to be.

When she arrived home, she noticed her sister’s car in the driveway. Alana was here. They didn’t have any plans for today. What was going on here? And Alana never just showed up out of the blue. She rolled her eyes and sighed. She grumbled a few choice words as she walked in the house.

Alana, Austin, and Trudy were laughing as they were working on his math homework. It was almost five pm and she made her way to the fridge and grabbed herself a beer. She believed the beer was her only friend in this matter. Dawn put her hand on the island as she overlooked the three of them having fun. She didn’t even clear her throat to let them know she was home.

Seemed they were having so much fun, they didn’t even see her. She left the island and walked past them and went into her office.

“Wow. They didn’t even recognize I was home,” she said. “Fuck it. If they can’t understand, fuck them. I went through a horrible ordeal. I can’t just flip the switch off.”

She had a few sips of beer and the door to her office opened. It was Alana. Dawn sat in her chair with the back to the door. And she heard her oldest sister walk in.

“What?” Dawn snapped.

“Hi to you to, Sis.”

“What is it you want?”

“I forgot my red silk scarf. I was hoping maybe you knew where it was? Trudy and Austin tried to help me find it but, we couldn’t find it.”

Dawn sighed and grumbled once more. She had to say scarf, didn’t she. Damn it, Alana! She swore in her mind.

“I’m so sorry. Did I say something wrong?” Alana asked.

“No, it’s okay. I don’t know where your wrap is. Sorry.”

“Wow. You sure? I know I left it here on Thanksgiving.”

“Well, you can search again.”

Alana inched closer to her. Dawn was staring out the window, she didn’t even open her laptop that sat in the middle of the mahogany rectangular desk.

“Sis?”

Alana waved her hand in front Dawn’s face. She didn’t even blink. Alana’s stomach burned with fire and there was no way she could understand what her sis went through. But they all felt so horrible and still wanted blood for Dawn.

“Dawn?” Alana checked again.

Dawn blinked and nodded. But there wasn’t that usual smile she had that would brighten any room she walked in. And her eyes, well, her eyes were empty.

“What?” she yelled.

“Whoa. Look, I’m sorry. I know this isn’t what you want to hear but I lied. I came over to check on you,” Alana said. She leaned back waiting for the impending punch from Dawn.

But Dawn didn’t oblige.

“I fucking knew it! You all are hounding me, and I need my space! Damn it. I need my space, you understand?” Dawn yelled.

“Wow. Okay then. I’ll give you space. Sorry I bothered.”

Alana turned away from her and put her hand up to her face to wipe the tears she had for her. Would Dawn ever come back to them? Fucking Rick. He truly got what he wanted and destroyed her sister.

When she walked to the office door, Dawn placed her head in her hands. Her eyes closed and the tears came once again. Her sobs alerted Alana that no matter what Dawn said or how she treated her, she needed to stay.

She walked back to her and gently placed a hand on her shoulder. Dawn rose from the chair and went right to her. Alana held onto her and gently patted her head.

“Let it out, Sis. Let it out. I’m here.”

Dawn continued her sobs and Alana held her with pure, utter, sadness.